Devastation: Domestic abuse led to Andy losing his children

A father tells how he is turning his life around after alcohol resulted in an abusive relationship

YOUR Worcester News is currently supporting The 16 Days of Action campaign to end domestic violence. The campaign backed by the Worcestershire Forum Against Domestic Abuse runs until Monday, during which time we are displaying the campaign logo – a white ribbon – on our front page masthead.

HERE WE TELL THE STORY OF ANDY:

Following a series of domestic abuse incidents, Andy was referred to a local perpetrator programme by children’s services. 

The referral – to Stonham’s Voluntary Perpetrator Programme – initially saw Andy reluctant to engage with support.

However, during the process, Andy developed a positive relationship with his support worker and realised that his behaviour was not being judged. He came to trust his support worker enough to talk about areas of his life, stemming from his childhood.

During one of his sessions, Andy lost his temper and – due to the nature of the confrontation – his children were considered to be at risk. Legal steps were then taken to remove the children from his care by children’s services. The effect was devastating on him.

He requested an urgent appointment with Stonham and confessed to alcohol dependence and a real desire to stop his heavy drinking. He blamed the alcohol for his verbal assault on his partner.

With his support worker he discussed how he has used denial, minimisation and blame in his abusive relationship and explored his reasons for this. Once his children were removed from his care, Andy’s situation became very real for him.

He threw himself into extra one-to-one sessions with his support worker and took part in two-day group sessions which he found very worthwhile. Andy was asked by his support worker if he would like to appear on a breakfast show about domestic abuse at the start of Euro 2012.

His support worker explained it would not be anonymous and he would potentially be heard by listeners nationwide. He agreed to take part, viewing it as a vital element in becoming part of his children’s lives again.
He also wanted to help raise awareness about the positive impact the programme had had on his behaviour and thought patterns. He felt both proud and humbled following his news debut.

Andy went on to appear on a national morning news programme and – although extremely nervous – he spoke about the availability of support for perpetrators like him resulting in a change in behaviour relating to domestic abuse, violence and aggression. Andy began seeing his children several times a week at a contact centre and by talking to other males in similar situations, encouraged a number of them to refer themselves to the programme.

Although too late for him to keep his family together, Andy is extremely positive about Stonham’s approach and rarely misses any sessions as he sees the work that he is doing with them having a very positive effect on his view of relationships. Sadly, Andy was recently informed by children’s services that his two youngest children are to be adopted separately.

Although the news was devastating, Andy still remains positive and attends group work as he recognises the benefits for both himself and his partner regarding his newly learnt coping strategies. He is continuing on the programme for its duration.

For further details about the programmes available, call the Stonham referral line, 0845 155 0395.

INCIDENTS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE IN THE COUNTY

• Since the January 2012 there have been 6,857 incidents of domestic abuse in Worcestershire.Since the January 2012 there have been 6,857 incidents of domestic abuse in Worcestershire.
• The average number of children exposed to domestic abuse per quarter, three or more times is 69. The number of children exposed five or more times is eight.The average number of children exposed to domestic abuse per quarter, three or more times is 69. The number of children exposed five or more times is eight.
• The number of times a child was exposed to domestic abuse between October 2011 and September 2012 was 5,831. This figure relates to 4,716 separate children.The number of times a child was exposed to domestic abuse between October 2011 and September 2012 was 5,831. This figure relates to 4,716 separate children.
• Domestic abuse affects one in three women in the UK with about one in six victims being men.Domestic abuse affects one in three women in the UK with about one in six victims being men.
• In an emergency, call 999. For confidential free advice and help, call the Worcestershire Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0800 980 3331 or visit worcestershire.gov.uk/wfada.

SUPPORT FOR THE VULNERABLE

 

• Stonham is a division of Home Group Ltd, a registered social landlord, providing housing, care and practical support for vulnerable people.Stonham is a division of Home Group Ltd, a registered social landlord, providing housing, care and practical support for vulnerable people.
• Within the last year in Worcestershire, Stonham’s Domestic Abuse Service has supported 215 females and male survivors. It has also supported 154 people through its recovery courses. During the Christmas period, 35 children were living in a Stonham refuge in the county.Within the last year in Worcestershire, Stonham’s Domestic Abuse Service has supported 215 females and male survivors. It has also supported 154 people through its recovery courses. During the Christmas period, 35 children were living in a Stonham refuge in the county.In an emergency, call 999
• For confidential free advice and help, call the Worcestershire Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0800 980 3331 or visit worcestershire.gov.uk/wfada.

 

SUPPORT FOR THE VULNERABLE

 

• Stonham is a division of Home Group Ltd, a registered social landlord, providing housing, care and practical support for vulnerable people.Stonham is a division of Home Group Ltd, a registered social landlord, providing housing, care and practical support for vulnerable people.
• Within the last year in Worcestershire, Stonham’s Domestic Abuse Service has supported 215 females and male survivors. It has also supported 154 people through its recovery courses. During the Christmas period, 35 children were living in a Stonham refuge in the county.Within the last year in Worcestershire, Stonham’s Domestic Abuse Service has supported 215 females and male survivors. It has also supported 154 people through its recovery courses. During the Christmas period, 35 children were living in a Stonham refuge in the county.